you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
