wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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