Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
