I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
