You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
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