I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You may now shotgun with the bride
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
