Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
