You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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