I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
