Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
