I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
