so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
