Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
