what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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