Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
where are you?
Hypothermia
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
