I'm drive I can fine osifer
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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