It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
