listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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