currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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