I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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