"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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