Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
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