Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Randomize
