So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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