you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
