I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
