You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
