I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
