eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
