his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
