He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
