Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
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