its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
