I wish I could teleport
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
