i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
just found out that she named her cat after me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
