He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
