Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
