we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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