i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
my poor anus
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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