So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
