sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Everyone says I win the strip club
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
