the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
