what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
