Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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