I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
