I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
