I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
