I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
