I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
