worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
