Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
