The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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