1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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