Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
