I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
he puts the penis in happiness.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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