If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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