what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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