Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
