I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
