i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
