What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
