i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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