Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
