i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
