My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
