dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
