hell yes lets make some ravioli
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
