last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
