i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
