Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
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You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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