You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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