WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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