i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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