and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
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I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
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He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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