I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They have beer where we have blood.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
