My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
