So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
