I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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