just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
