If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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