I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
