I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize