I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
